The next entry is a poem I wrote while feeling like a crumbling person. It is good to note that by using strategic psychological tools, these feeling had an opportunity to pass and morph into more palatable insights. No two feelings are the same, the Buddha Siddhartha Gautama once said to his followers, "a moment in time is replaced by another one". I worked on dealing my inner most feeling, and in time I claimed success as mine. My favorite Dialectal Behavior Therapy (DBT) tool at the time was a concept called "Teflon mind."
The beginning of the beginning
Twas very subtle
Little dancers in my mind
Came courting segments of unrest
Pending disaster to come
The beginning of the beginning
Physical strength was in demise
It would take months to wise up to the fact
I was going down a funnel
The beginning of the beginning
Physical strength is gone, mental capacities would go next
Little dancers pecking at my emotions
Marks of what would wade
To more parts of my mind
The beginning of the beginning
Doctor and ER visits would become the norm
Lights out on an ability to cope
With greater emotional tides of desperation
The beginning of the beginning
My entire life path altered
Work would become a history of the past
It was a new game of roulette
Finding peepholes to wellness states
A stay at home mom minding my brain
Wondering how it felt rounding the behavioral health bend, feeling more like myself again, I turned to a running legend, Eric Liddell. The following speech was given (by him) as a run-up to the 1924 Olympics. His life, as a great athlete, was characterized in the movie entitled "Chariots of Fire." He represented Scotland at the time of this race, but Great Britain in the Olympics. His words inspired me. It felt better relinquishing my woes to a higher power; in those moments there was peace.
Eric Liddell: You came to see a race today. To see someone, win. It happened to be me. But I want you to do more than just watch a race. I want you to take part in it. I want to compare faith to running in a race. It's hard. It requires concentration of will, an energy of the soul. You experience elation when the winner breaks the tape - especially if you've got a bet on it. But how long does that last? You go home. Maybe your dinner's burnt. Perhaps you haven't got a job. So, who am I to say, "Belief, have faith," in the face of life's realities? I would like to give you something more permanent, but I can only point the way. I have no formula for winning the race. Everyone runs in her own way, or his own way. And where does the power come from, to see the race to its end? From within. Jesus said, "Behold, the Kingdom of God is within you. If with all your hearts, you truly seek me, you shall ever surely find me." If you commit yourself to the love of Christ, then that is how you run a straight race.